St. Louis Wedding Celebrant: Winter 2015

Choosing Your Officiant 

Most engaged couples have had little if any experience in choosing their wedding officiant. If they have been married before, the ceremony was often in a house of worship where their officiant was a given. The vast majority of the couples I work with have not been married before and quite often, I am the first officiant they are meeting with to discuss their ideas for their wedding ceremony.

If you believe that your ceremony is the most important part of your wedding day, then you want to be sure that your officiant is someone who takes the time to get your story right. The Celebrant Foundation & Institute   recommends asking these questions before hiring your officiant:

How do you create the ceremony? “Do we have final approval over the script?” Ideally, the officiant should collaborate with you every step of the way so that the ceremony is tailor-made for you. Don’t let a boilerplate ceremony be imposed on you.

When will you arrive? The officiant should be available at least 45 minutes before the ceremony in order to run through any last minute changes, and to coordinate details with readers, musicians, photographers and videographers.

Does your fee include a full rehearsal at the wedding venue? Many officiants don’t rehearse, but a full rehearsal may be essential for a beautifully choreographed ceremony and for calming last-minute nerves.

Can we vary the traditional choreography of a wedding? You may wish to face your guests rather than the officiant, or have the officiant stand to the side instead of between you and your spouse. Make sure your officiant is open to these suggestions.

What training do you have in creating and officiating at ceremonies? Many officiants have no specific training. Look for those who have a sound background in the history of ritual and ceremony, knowledge of wedding traditions around the world, the ability to manage and choreograph a wedding party, and experience in public ceremonial speaking.

Will you work with our other wedding professionals? The officiant should coordinate as needed with musicians to provide music cues for the ceremony, with photographers and videographers to assist them in getting the best shots, and with the staff of your venue to ensure that the ceremony will not conflict in any way with their requirements.

St. Louis Wedding Celebrant: Autumn 2013

Since Labor Day weekend, I have officiated at twenty-one wedding ceremonies. Whew! Where has the time gone? Now, as I head into a quieter November, I’ve got a little bit of time to look back and ruminate.

As I performed many weddings this year, I carried with me some sadness over the break ups of two different couples I know, both of whom had been together over twenty-five years. I wanted to tell these newlyweds of 2013 a cautionary tale or two about not taking each other for granted; or that no one’s relationship is immune to wear and tear, and to the steep toll life’s difficulties can exact from a marriage. Of course, I did not. It is not my place. And it is not the time.

At the very same time, I have had the great privilege to witness the love and fidelity of my father-in-law Dave, as he journeyed with my mother-in-law Jean, through her final days with Alzheimer’s Disease. Theirs was a 64-year marriage, not perfect (does such a thing exist?), but they faced the world together, side-by-side, one day at a time, until her death on October 5.

Every couple I meet believes that they will make their marriage last a lifetime. And so we celebrate the belief, the hope, the firm intention, and the vows to do just that, knowing that we will sometimes fall short of each other’s expectations, but celebrating, nonetheless. And, hopefully, the celebration will bring us closer to becoming the people we long to be for ourselves and for one another. As I continue in this Celebrant work, my hope for each couple is that theirs may be a partnership of integrity, love, and joy!

Marriage: “A Momentous Act of Self-Definition”

As the United States Supreme Court prepares to hear two cases next week involving same-sex marriage laws, it seems fitting to reprint an excerpt from Goodridge vs. Department of Health, the landmark Massachusetts case which found that same-sex couples have the right to marry in that state. I first became aware of this excerpt when a couple told me that they wanted to use it as a reading for their civil union ceremony. Since then, both same-sex and hetero couples have requested this reading. Some consider it a political statement, others simply a good definition of marriage. Take a look and see what you think. Me? I think it is both!

Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. For those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. In return it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations….Without question, civil marriage enhances the “welfare of the community.” It is a “social institution of the highest importance.” Marriage also bestows enormous private and social advantages on those who choose to marry. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family…. Because it fulfils yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.

(Supreme Court Chief Justice Margaret H. Marshall) 

St. Louis Wedding Celebrant: Winter 2013

So, I started January with a nasty cold, followed by a restful vacation in California with my husband. Once home and healthy again, I met with seven couples last month, and I am happy to report that all seven hired me! That’s a nice beginning for the new year, indeed! Now it’s all about more meetings and ceremony writing….

My first wedding of 2013 is scheduled for Valentine’s Day in the home of the couple, Stephanie and Jeff. I’m looking forward to celebrating an intimate ceremony with them and a few close family members and friends.

One of my goals for this winter includes finally mobilizing my website! The statistics on the soaring use of hand-held devices are too overwhelming to overlook, so I’m going to get to it in order to make it easier for people to find me and learn about my services.

Once again I am preparing for the only wedding show in which I participate: Off White Indie Wedding Show, March 9-10. This year it will be held at Mad Art Gallery in Soulard. If you want to connect with creative, eco-friendly, out-of-the-box, LGBT-friendly, handmade, small businesses from the St. Louis area to help you create the kind of wedding you really want to have, do yourself a favor and go to this show! The tickets are an incredibly reasonable price of $10 each. http://offwhiteweddingshow.com/

Blessing for a Marriage

I have just finished my final drafts for this weekend’s ceremonies.  For Saturday’s ceremony, Madison and Steve chose one of my favorite blessings, written by poet and Unity Church minister, James Dillet Freeman.  He is sometimes referred to as the “poet laureate to the moon” because his poems were taken there on two different missions, Apollo 11 and Apollo 15.  This blessing is, however, both spiritual and very down to earth.  Enjoy!

 

Blessing for a Marriage, by James Dillet Freeman

May your marriage bring you all the exquisite excitements a marriage should bring, and may life grant you also patience, tolerance, and understanding.

May you always need one another — not so much to fill your emptiness as to help you to know your fullness. A mountain needs a valley to be complete. The valley does not make the mountain less, but more. And the valley is more a valley because it has a mountain towering over it. So let it be with you and you.

May you need one another, but not out of weakness. May you want one another, but not out of lack. May you entice one another, but not compel one another. May you embrace one another, but not out encircle one another. May you succeed in all-important ways with one another, and not fail in the little graces.

May you look for things to praise, often say, “I love you!” and take no notice of small faults. If you have quarrels that push you apart, may both of you hope to have good sense enough to take the first step back.

May you enter into the mystery that is the awareness of one another’s presence — no more physical than spiritual, warm and near when you are side by side, and warm and near when you are in separate rooms or even distant cities.

May you have happiness, and may you find it making one another happy. May you have love, and may you find it loving one another.

 

Marriage Vow Renewal

Recently I was contacted by a couple who were interested in a vow renewal ceremony for themselves. When they told me how long they had been married – less than a year – I knew there was a story there. We met for coffee and as we talked they shared a bit of that story with me.

It quickly became clear to me that some profoundly significant changes had occurred in this couple’s understanding of their relationship since the wedding day. And because they believed that these changes were for the better, they wanted to declare anew their commitment to one another and to growing this marriage. It was important to them to signify the deepening of their relationship by having a private ceremony asking God to bless and strengthen their bond.

And so we gathered, all three of us, as they declared their love for one another and for the children each has brought into the marriage. It was a privilege for me to witness this love, and a wonderful gift this couple has given to themselves and to their children by renewing their marriage vows.