Author: ruth

This past year has flown by, as they all seem to these days. Recalling twenty-five weddings and one memorial service in 2009 brings on a rush of memories and feelings. As I reflect back I am grateful for so much.

First I want to say thanks to all of you who trusted me with your wedding ceremonies in 2009. I feel privileged to have worked with you to create some truly lovely and meaningful ceremonies.

Regarding St. Louis Ceremonies, I find I am most grateful for the people who have helped me to get things rolling this year. The list is long so I won’t attempt to name everyone who has shown me so much support and encouragement, but I do want to mention a few:

Thanks to local Celebrant extraordinaire Lamira Martin, from whom I received over thirty leads this year. I am most grateful for the wisdom of her experience and for her refreshing lightness of being!

In preparing to set up my website, my St. Louis friend Andrew Wimmer and Seattle Celebrant Annemarie Juhlian were invaluable in providing me with guidance and suggestions as I went through the early stages of website development. As the website vision moved toward a reality, Zoe Feast of Indigo Image helped me to pull it all together. My deep gratitude goes out to you all.

And, finally, none of this would be happening as smoothly as it has been without the constant support of my husband, Rocky. He has been on board this Celebrant project 100% from the start. Rockmeister, you are the man!

To all who celebrate the holy feast of Christmas: may you know peace and joy this day and throughout the new year to come!

“Behold, the dreamer cometh.” – Genesis 37:19

Tonight at sundown begins Hanukkah. For the next eight nights, those who observe this Jewish holiday will celebrate a Festival of Light.

They will remember the miracle that occurred when the Maccabees, though surrounded by their enemies, were able to keep the altar lit for eight days and nights, even though they only had enough oil to burn for one night.May all who celebrate Hanukkah be blessed by love and light in their families, in their souls, and in their lives!

Although today is December 1, I have just pulled four carrots out of my garden along with enough lettuce for this evening’s salad. I’ll admit that it’s a little bit of a stretch for me to embrace the yuletide season when the previous seasons’ gifts are still pouring in, not only from my kitchen garden, but in the form of photos and testimonials from my summer and autumn weddings. It’s been a year of delightful wedding ceremonies with a variety of couples from all over the metro area and beyond.

I am counting my blessings, a good thing to do this time of year when our national holiday of Thanksgiving flows right into the other holidays of Hanukkah, Kwanza, Christmas, and New Years Day. I’ve never been much of a shopper, so a series of decisions which Rock and I have made over the years to step back from some of the commercialization of these holidays has left me with more time to enjoy the visitors, the gatherings, and the food of these days.

To those of you who have chosen the holidays for your wedding ceremony, my best advice is to keep breathing and to keep your eyes on the prize which is your marriage, not your wedding day!
To those of you who will become engaged during the holidays, I congratulate you on taking such a momentous step in your lives.

To all of us, may the holidays become a time to not only count our blessings, but to find ways to share them with others.

Recently I ran into someone I had not seen for a number of years. We were getting caught up with each other, asking questions like, “What are you up to these days?” When I explained my work as a wedding officiant and Celebrant, my friend asked a question I frequently get in such conversations. She asked if I was doing any marriage prep or counseling with the couples whose wedding ceremonies I perform. My answer always starts with, “No,” and it often includes lots of explaining.

First let me say that the majority of people with whom I have this conversation are either active Catholics or former Catholics. St. Louis is a very Catholic town! And my work history includes five years of college campus ministry in Catholic institutions and fifteen years of teaching theology at Catholic high schools. So most of these conversations have a Catholic framework and assumptions as a starting point.

For those of you who do not know, to be married in the Catholic church, a couple must meet certain specific requirements, including participation in one of a number of marriage prep activities sponsored by the Catholic church. It could take the form of a couples retreat (not at all like the movie!), a class, a workshop, or a sponsor couple program. One of the hopes for all of these programs is to help the couple take a good look at some of the realities of married life and to assess their own readiness to be married.

In the long run, one goal of these programs is to help couples avoid divorce in later years. Unfortunately, the last time I saw any studies on the subject, it appears that Catholics divorce at about the same rate as the rest of the population. This is not to say that these programs are not helpful to some or even most couples who participate in them. It is simply a suggestion that most current marriage preparation programs in general cannot possibly prepare couples for all of the complexities of married life between two very fallible human beings.

Of course, it isn’t only Catholics who require some sort of marriage prep for couples. There are many churches whose requirements for engaged couples include a minimum number of meetings with a minister or with people specifically involved in ministry to engaged couples.

Celebrants trained by the Celebrant Foundation and Institute do not require counseling, retreats, or workshops of the couples with whom we are planning weddings. Sure, we like to meet with the couple, but usually that meeting is a mutual interview where the couple gets to know us a little and we get to know them a little in an effort to decide if we will be a good match for one another. Once hired by a couple, our work as Celebrants is simply to design and officiate at customized ceremonies which help each couple celebrate their relationship and commitment as they see it.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting that churches and ministers requiring some kind of marriage prep for engaged couples should change what they are doing. Not at all. I’m simply saying that Celebrants offer an alternative for couples who may prefer not to participate in such programs, and for couples who do not have a particular church affiliation at the time they decide to be married. And isn’t it always nice to have options? I think so.